I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
