were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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