I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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