I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
