even my farts smell like vagina
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
