you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
