Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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