So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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