Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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