I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Terrible idea I love it
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
