i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
