First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
