I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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