I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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