i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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