Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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