girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
