No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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