Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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