Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
