WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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