He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
