He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
