In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
