dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
