He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
