I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
two words: eviction party
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
