I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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