I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
