I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
