Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
