I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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