I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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