i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
