I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
