I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
