So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
