her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
