No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
