K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
