what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Randomize
