I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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