I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
