question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
3 2 1 whiskey
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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