grandma shit on top of the toilet
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
