you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
