i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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