My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
