he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
