dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
