I can tuck mytits in my pants
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
