i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm like, not good at living.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
