either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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