We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
