im having a threesome with these popsicles
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
