No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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