Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
